Debra Macleod

Summer romance – the top 10 tips for ‘singles-and-seeking’

Ah, summertime – the skies are blue and love is in the air.

Every year around this time, my inbox fills with questions from those looking for love. In response, I’ve compiled a short list of dating tips that you may want to tape to your fridge if you’re a single-and-seeking:

1. Have a positive attitude toward love. Sour people are a turn-off and your date will pick up on your negativity. You may have had bad experiences in the past, but you must learn to separate your personal experiences from the experience of love itself.

2. Be fair to your date. Your date may wear the same sunglasses as an undesirable ex, but that doesn’t mean he or she is the same person. Don’t project your resentment onto someone you hardly know. At the same time, be on alert for “red flags” you’ve seen before (ie. excessive drinking, controlling behaviour, etc.) and have the foresight to end the relationship quickly.

3. Leave your baggage at home. While you and your date may want to exchange basic background info—which includes past relationship history—don’t drag him or her down your “misery memory lane.” Ditch your checklist, too—it’s that mental list that idealizes Mr. or Mrs. Right. Get real and judge your date on his or her merits.

4. Challenge your beliefs and assumptions. Don’t ditch your date just because he or she has different opinions, beliefs, or interests. It is possible to reconcile some differences. In fact, it’s those differences that keep a relationship dynamic.

5. Keep your perspective. Remember that you’re on a date, not in front of a justice of the peace. Accept the date for what it is—an hour or two of your time. It isn’t your last chance for happiness.

6. Be on your best behavior. Think of a first date as a job interview: You wouldn’t dress overly casual or revealing, tell dirty jokes or get drunk when meeting a prospective employer. Act like a lady or a gentleman. That isn’t old-fashioned behaviour—it’s grown-up behaviour.

7. Trust the universe. Many people self-sabotage, believing that they will never be happy. There is enough happiness in the universe to go around. Proudly claim some for yourself. That confidence can make good things happen.

8. Make your date feel good. Some people will cut down their date in an effort to make themselves look better. If this is your strategy, be aware that it has the opposite effect. A better strategy is to focus on making your date feel good about herself or himself by dishing out a few sincere compliments, smiling, keeping eye contact, and being respectful. Even if you’re not enjoying the date, no good can come from hurting another person. Not only is it mean, it can lead to some nasty karma.

9. Be kind to yourself. Realize that it’s normal to be nervous on a first date and don’t fight the feeling. In fact, nervousness can be endearing to a date. It humanizes you and makes your date feel desirable. Plus, the way your date handles your nerves will speak volumes about her or his personality.

10. Keep it real. Your mom was right—be yourself. Instead of laboring to maintain a witty, sophisticated or intelligent conversation, talk about what you know. Sharing stories about your family and interests not only keeps the conversation comfortable and real, it opens up shared ground between you and your date. Your date isn’t focusing on your words, he or she is focusing on you as a total package.

Lastly, remember that most people want the same things from a potential partner—honesty, a good sense of humour and a positive, fun-loving attitude toward life. Nurture those in yourself, take a few chances and you will find your perfect fit.

Debra Macleod, B.A., LL.B. is a conflict resolution & relationship expert whose local practice helps couples stay together and stay happy. Visit her at MarriageSOS.com.

Just Posted

Rebels lose to Medicine Hat Tigers, 4-1

Tigers break Rebels’ three-game winning streak

Red Deer’s newest outdoor ice facility opens to the public next week

The speed skating oval at Setters Place at Great Chief Park will be open Dec. 17th

Exhibition explores the rich history and culture of Métis people

The exhibition is on display from Dec. 15th to March 10th at the Red Deer Museum + Art Gallery

2019 Hockey Alberta Provincial Championship host sites announced

A total of 39 Provincial Championships will be hosted across the province

40-year Big Brother match a gift to Lacombe man

Andy Pawlyk and his Little Brother Chris Selathamby honoured at BBBS Awards Night

VIDEO: Royals reveal the images on their Christmas cards

Prince William and his wife Kate are shown outside in casual clothes, their three young children in tow

Facebook reveals bug gave apps unauthorized access to 6.8 million users’ photos

It’s believed up to 1,500 apps built by 876 developers had access to Facebook Stories, private photos

Trudeau to make it harder for future PM to reverse Senate reforms

Of the 105 current senators, 54 are now independents who have banded together in Independent Senators’ Group

21 detained before Paris protests as police deploy in force

There was a strong police presence outside the central Saint Lazare train station, where police in riot gear checked bags

New home for Calgary Flames estimated to cost up to $600 million

The city and the Flames are not yet talking on who will pay how much for a building to replace the Saddledome

Family searching for B.C. professor last seen at Colombian salsa club

Ramazan Gencay, a professor in economics at Simon Fraser University, was last seen in Medellin

Rash of bomb threats a learning opportunity for response capacity, Goodale

Thursday’s wave of bomb threats swept across communities on both sides of the Canada-U.S. border

Mike Duffy can’t sue Senate over suspension without pay, judge rules

Duffy’s lawsuit sought more than $7.8 million from the upper chamber

Language on Sikh extremism in report will be reviewed, Goodale says

A public-safety ministry document indicats terrorist threats to Canada included a section on Sikh extremism for the first time

Most Read