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BREAST CANCER AWARENESS FEATURE |
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‘Not me’ erased forever
10/22/08
By MARILYN HALE
I am a 12-year survivor of breast cancer.
I guess this all began when I noticed a bump on my right breast sometime in January of 1996.
I would like to say that I was being a good girl and doing a regular self-exam, but I wasn’t. I merely had an “itchy boob” and as I scratched I noticed something and thought “I wonder what that is?”
The words “breast”, “lump” and “cancer” did flash through my mind at the time, but the words “not me” also flashed right along with them.
Although there had been quite a lot of cancer in my family, there was no history of breast cancer.
I didn’t say anything to anyone but as the day, and yes the months, went by, “breast”, “cancer” and “lump” still flashed, but the “not me” wasn’t there anymore. I was in a new, wonderful relationship after a really bad one, so I didn’t want anything to spoil it.
Finally in July, I decided to check things out. I went to the doctor where she did a needle biopsy (ouch) there in the office.
I had a very nervous feeling just from her actions, but still couldn’t say anything to anyone. Less than a week later it was back to her office and the “not me” was erased forever.
I had breast cancer but what terrified me was the possibility of chemo. I went from the doctor’s office directly to a book store and brought Susan Love’s Breast Cancer Book. I needed to know as much as possible about what I was facing.
Later that day came the most difficult part of my cancer journey. I had to tell my wonderful man about this, less than one month after we had buried his mother – who died from lung cancer.
I never really doubted him and the first thing he said was, “well, - lets get rid of it and we will beat it”. Within two weeks I was in the surgeon’s office and very quickly after that in the surgery suite.
I sometimes feel guilty because I did not have a horrible experience, when so many do. I had a mastectomy and was home two days later. Two days after that we went camping and I sat in the river in a lawn chair (surgery drains and all) enjoying the sun.
When I started my check-ups at the Tom Baker Cancer centre, they told me that my tumor was rated as a 5 for aggressiveness on a scale of 9, and it was estrogen receptive.
One lymph node looked “suspicious” out of the eight tested. They recommended chemo treatments, but I was so scared of it (not the hair loss, but the nausea and being sick part) that I asked for some time.
I had already done a lot of research about breast cancer and I went home and did a lot more.
I discovered that since I had gone through menopause early and with the tumor being estrogen receptive, I could possible take Tamoxifin.Taking a pill for five years sounded like something I could handle.
I talked about it with my specialists and although it wasn’t their first choice for my treatment, it was a logical choice for me. Somehow I knew in my heart that this was the right one for me and 12 years later is seems it was.
Two years ago I had an extreme case of “survival guilt” when my daughter’s mother-in-law passed away from breast cancer. But I also know that I am very lucky and actually proud to be a survivor.
Even though I now count myself as one of the lucky ones that can be considered cured, I know I will never get it out of my mind.
We not only need to find a definite cure for this disease, but also in a perfect world we would discover a definite prevention.
On Sunday, Oct. 5 I did the walk for the cure for the first time. I only planned to do the one km (I am not as young as I use to be and certainly not “in shape”), but ended up doing the full five km with my daughter, granddaughter and another young friend.
We had so much fun that we are already planning for next year! I hope that our small part in this walk will help find that cure and prevention. I really believe it’s out there somewhere and we need to support the efforts to find them.
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