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Stop talking on my peaceful subway!
12/24/08
By Elissa Bernstein
Ellen headed for the door whistling. “I’m off to take the subway to work.”
Michael smiled. “You’re in a good mood for someone who hates public transport.”
“I’ve found a solution. I’m bringing a pillow for my back, some good reading and this little box.
“Lunch box?”
“Noise metre. ”
“Ellen…”
“70 decibels is the legal limit. I’m just there to inform these noisy people of the law.”
Ellen boarded the subway and found herself a nice spot.
A woman screamed into her cellphone. “GLADYS!! HOW ARE YOU? YEAH, IT’S REAL QUIET IN THE SUBWAY THIS MORNING!!! SO, WE’RE ON FOR THE PARTY TOMORROW?”
“Excuse me, you’re speaking quite loudly,” Ellen said calmly. “How about a little decorum?”
“THAT REMINDS ME…DON’T FORGET THE DECORATIONS!”
“Hey, I said you’re too loud!” Ellen insisted.
“What is this, a library?”
Another woman entered the subway and called over to Doreen. “HEY, I’M BRINGING JELLO PIE TO THE PARTY, OKAY?”
Ellen huffed. “Excuse me, ladies. I’m trying to have a peaceful ride.”
“It’s the librarian again!” Doreen snickered.
Ellen grabbed her noise metre. “You’re speaking over 70 decibels. That’s over the legal limit!”
“You’re nuts!” Doreen grabbed her phone again. “SOME LADY IS TELLING ME I’M TALKING TOO LOUD! IMAGINE?! I’M PRACTICALLY WHISPERING!”
Ellen shot up. “Put down the phone!”
“Make me!” Doreen countered.
“Listen, I know where you live!”
“Oooh…I’m scared!”
“I said stop.” Ellen slapped her hand.
“Hey, that’s assault!” Doreen hissed. “I’m calling the police!”
Ellen was charged with harassment and assault.
IN THE COURTROOM
Ellen fought for peace. “I just wanted a relaxing ride to work. But people act like it’s a big social hour. They’re putting on makeup and having loud conversations at 80 decibels! That’s over the legal limit.”
The woman shouted back. “It’s not a library! Ellen is the one who hogs all the room and intimidates riders. She cursed me, and even slapped a passenger’s hand!
Is Ellen guilty? You! Be The Judge. Then look below for the decision.
THE DECISION
“Ellen is acquitted,” held the Judge. “I can’t really believe most of the passengers because they all seem to have an axe to grind. I can’t condone Ellen’s approach to getting people to stay quiet but I see no crimes having been committed.”
Today’s column is based on a case from New York. The characters and the scenarios are fictional. Any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental. The information in this column does not constitute legal advice. If you have a similar problem, consult a lawyer in your province. Elissa Bernstein is a lawyer and internationally syndicated columnist. Copyright 2008 Haika Enterprises GA9-1.
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